How To Manage Disengaged Parents As An Executive Function Coach
- Sean G. McCormick
- Nov 28, 2023
- 7 min read
Updated: Jan 27
Are you working with a student whose parents are quietly sidelining themselves from the coaching process?
In this post, you’ll learn why parent participation in Family Team Meetings is non-negotiable, plus how to set that expectation early, get the meeting on the calendar, and respond when parents resist.👇
Table of Contents
Many parents think the best way to teach their child with ADHD how to be independent is to remove themselves from the coaching process and let the coach do everything.
Unfortunately, this actually has the opposite effect.
It makes the student more dependent on outside supports, rather than less so.
That's why family team meetings (FTM) that include everyone are crucial in the coaching process.
But, parent resistance towards the family team meeting is unfortunately a common occurrence. Here's a message I got from an EFCA graduate about this topic:
I am needing some support around a family wanting to do FTM's without their teen. This has come up since he started falling behind again with late assignments this past 3 weeks. I had suggested a FTM. Instead they both wrote me emails and didn't want me copying the student on my responses.
In this post, I'll walk you through how to manage this type of situation to get parents engaged in the proper family team meeting process.
Why Does Engaging Parents in a Family Team Meeting Matter?
A Family Team Meeting (FTM) is crucial because it unites parents, educators, and other key figures in a structured, collaborative environment to focus on a child's comprehensive needs.
This meeting transcends traditional communication barriers, fostering collective decision-making and problem-solving that directly impact the child's development.
For details on how to run a family team meeting, watch this video.👇
By engaging all stakeholders, including the child when appropriate, the FTM harnesses the power of collective efficacy, which is highly effective in improving student achievement.
According to John Hattie's research, collective teacher efficacy is one of the top factors for increasing student achievement.
With an effect size of 1.57, it ranks extremely high among various influences on educational outcomes. (Hattie, J. (2015). What works best in education: The politics of collaborative expertise. Pearson).
The FTM shifts the focus from individual efforts to a united, supportive front, ensuring that every aspect of the child's well-being is addressed, making it an indispensable tool in their growth and development journey.
If you want, you can also share with them this article explaining the Family Team Meeting process.
Common Mistakes EF Coaches Make When Managing Disengaged Parents
Mistake #1: Hoping the parents will magically engage later
Coaches sometimes keep moving forward with sessions while parents stay on the sidelines, assuming buy in will appear once results show up.
That usually turns the coach into the temporary executive function for the whole family.
The student learns that progress happens only when the coach is present, which is the opposite of independence.
And, the parents then feel less urgency to change anything at home because the coach is “handling it.”
Mistake #2: Letting parents set the rules of communication to avoid conflict
When parents ask to email without copying the student, or request private updates, coaches sometimes comply to avoid conflict.
That trains everyone to treat the teen like a side character in their own plan, which often fuels avoidance and resentment.
It also blocks the coach from building transparency, accountability, and repair conversations that the teen needs to practice.
Over time, the coach becomes a go between, translating everyone’s frustration into polite emails.
Mistake #3: Staying vague instead of assigning clear roles and deadlines
Disengaged parents love vague plans because vague plans require zero follow through.
Coaches sometimes leave meetings with “we’ll try reminders” or “we’ll check in more” because it feels cooperative and keeps the peace.
The problem is that nothing is owned, nothing is measurable, and everyone can claim they did their part.
For example: after a parent complaint, the coach suggests “more structure at home,” but no one decides who checks the grade portal, when it happens, how the teen will be notified, and what the teen will do within 24 hours of seeing a missing assignment.
3 Steps to Engage Parents in the Coaching Process With a Family Team Meeting
Step 1: Ensure you require family team meetings during your inquiry calls with prospective clients
During your initial inquiry calls with prospective clients, emphasize the necessity of Family Team Meetings (FTMs) as a core component of your coaching process.
Explain that these meetings are critical for collaborative support, ensuring everyone involved in the child's life — parents, educators, and other professionals — works together to foster the child's development.
Highlight the benefits of FTMs, such as:
Improved communication
Shared responsibility
and tailored strategies
Then, make it clear that their participation in these meetings is essential for the effectiveness of the coaching program.
This approach sets clear expectations from the outset and underscores the collaborative nature of your coaching methodology.
To be sure they are onboard, ask them this question point blank:
As part of our process, we require parent participation in the Family Team Meeting process -- can you commit to this?
Step 2: Send this email scheduling a family team meeting
To get an FTM scheduled in the calendar, send this email to the parents and student:
Subject: Let’s hold a Family Team Meeting
Hi (parent),
I hope you are doing well.
We'd like to schedule the next family team meeting this month. This meeting will be an opportunity to identify what is going well, what needs to change, and who does what by when.
To learn more about this process, check out the article, “Why hold a Family Team Meeting?”
Do any of the following times work for us to meet?
(date/time 1)
(date/time 2)
(date/time 3)
The meeting will be approximately 60 minutes.
We would like to invite any other key members of (student name) support team to join, such as his school case manager and any mental health support.
Would you please connect me to them via email so I can invite them?
Please let me know if you have any questions and we look forward to connecting soon.
Best,
(Your name)
Step 3: If parents still do not want to participate, address their concerns and common misconceptions
If parents or stakeholders are reluctant to participate in Family Team Meetings (FTM), the coach should first strive to understand their concerns and address any misconceptions about the purpose and benefits of FTMs.
It's important to communicate the proven impact of such meetings on student success and offer flexible arrangements to accommodate their schedules.
Sharing success stories and proposing less formal initial meetings might also encourage participation.
However, if reluctance persists, you face a critical decision:
Whether to continue providing services without this key element or to set a boundary and pause services until the parents are willing to engage in this collaborative process.
This decision should be made considering the best interests of the child and the effectiveness of the coaching without the full involvement of the family and other key stakeholders.
I will sometimes frame it like this for a parent:
If you choose not to participate, it will be harder for us to leverage to power of collective efficacy to achieve your desired coaching goals. Are you ok with that?
The Bottom Line
Family Team Meetings are vital in Executive Function coaching, especially for children with ADHD. They foster a collaborative environment where parents, educators, and professionals unite to support the child's development.
Here's the recap of the 3 steps to engage parents with a family a team meeting:
Require FTMs during your inquiry calls with prospective clients
Send an email scheduling the family team meeting
If parents resist, address their concerns and common misconceptions
Hope this helps! 🤙🏻
FAQs
What if parents insist on meeting without the teen because they think it will be more efficient?
Explain that the Family Team Meeting works best with the teen present because the plan needs their voice and buy in to stick.
Offer a short parent only prep call first, then hold the actual meeting with the teen included.
What do I do when parents email me complaints and ask me not to copy their child?
Reply that you can receive concerns, but action steps will be discussed transparently with the student in a meeting.
Invite them to schedule a Family Team Meeting and let them know you will include the student in the follow up.
Do I keep coaching if parents refuse to participate at all?
You can continue only if you and the family agree on revised expectations and accept slower progress.
If parent involvement is required in your model, pause services until they can commit.
This article is a part of the larger category of:
Related Articles:
What Is A Family Team Meeting and How Does It Improve Executive Function?
What Does a Typical Executive Function Coaching Session Look Like?
6 Ways To Build Strong Relationships With Your Executive Function Coaching Clients
What To Do When Students Work During Coaching Sessions, But Don't Follow Through After
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About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and expanding my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.